hidden work

“The people [outside in the court] were waiting for Zacharias, and were wondering about his long delay in the temple. But when he did come out, he was unable to speak to them. They realized that he had seen a vision in the temple; and he kept making signs to them, and remained mute.” - Luke 1:21-22

I try my best to share; I desperately try to explain, my hands waving in the air. No words will come to do this justice. After hearing from the Lord, after discerning His will, left unable to speak.

I feel like Zacharias.

I try wildly to explain these things growing, living, changing inside of me. Words cannot wrap around them, give them shape. They seem like unknowable things. I feel like an unknowable thing.

The work of God is not for all eyes to watch. For a season, it sleeps, unknown to everyone outside of the soul that sees and feels the pulling, stitching, shifting inside itself.

The work of God lays hidden inside of me. I have scratched at my throat, searching for the syllables to make others understand. The words that have bled out never feel like the right ones, stained by tears and sobs and a heavy heart.

But hidden work is not un-miraculous work. Hidden work is intimate and raw and excruciating. It brings tears and sleepless nights and yet, somehow, closeness.

It is not for all eyes to watch.

My soul knows this well. I feel the hum of the hidden work. It makes me want to sing and scream and tear it open for others to see, though they won’t understand--not yet.

Someday, these words will come easily, to tell the tale of the hidden work. And when they do, I will scribble out the words: I AM is gracious.